After a 3 week hiatus from North Dakota, travelling to Utah and California to visit with friends and family I find myself back on my couch in my little apartment.
My home is quiet, the little guy has stopped escaping from his bedroom so he must be asleep. My husband has stopped coming out of our room for this or that so he must be asleep as well. The dishwasher is humming. I just finished up my last article for the newspaper this week. It wasn’t quite right when I got to the end of my working day, I had to bring it home and look at it in silence before I was happy with it. In the morning I will get up and head back over to the Farmer office and put my article in the proper formatting as quick as I can while my kid drives his hotwheels over my shoes and I shush him when he gets to loud. We’ll hurry off to gymnastics and the rest of our day after that.
I sit here with this really conflicting feeling sitting in my gut. My new friends have been calling and checking on me this week, we’ve excitedly chatted about how our holidays were. Benji was so happy to run down to our neighbors place our first morning back. My comfy couch welcomed me back. And my heart aches for the people I love so much that I just left.
Is this what being a grown up feels like?
Here’s the thing, you can’t eat fast food for two meals a day and live on vacation forever. This I know.
This is Benjamin literally eating pancakes for breakfast in between jumping in and out of the pool. I know it’s cool Benj, but not everyday can be filled with pancakes by the pool.
There is this thing called real life that is sort of annoying. You know, bills and grocery shopping and getting around to potty training the little guy. And some of real life is really enjoyable, seeing my friends and going to the job I love so much. But wouldn’t it be easier if my mom and sisters just hung out with me all day while I did those things? What would be so bad about Benjamin ending everyday playing trains with grandpa?
Not even everyday, I would be okay with sometimes. But they are far away so it is feast or famine for us.
That is the thing about frontier living that is setting in for me, the conflict of really enjoying my life and really missing people at the same time. Maybe everyone feels like this? People pass away, really really important people pass away and then that feeling will never go away. So, maybe I need to learn how to sit with it and be grateful for telephones. If I moved back home today I would really really miss the people here. Garrrr this girl can never happy can she?
Well, here is what I know – I am grateful that Danny’s job seems pretty secure. I am grateful for the lovely people in my life, all over the globe. And, I am grateful for a quiet moment to think and feel grateful. So namaste.
Betsy – I think every married person who is close to their family and friends and finds themselves moving far away experiences the feelings you are feeling. Some find they can’t take it, and being closer to family wins out – others find they can make it work with a few visits home now and then. Maybe think of this as a temporary hiatus from those you love – and figure that in a year or so you’ll reevaluate. Nothing needs to be forever. And, in the meantime – continue just enjoying wherever you are at the time – and enjoying those you are with. It’s is so much easier now – with skype, snapchat, all the benefits technology offers us – and know that you are not alone in feeling this way. 🙂 Debbie
Debbie Larsen Larsen Service Drug “Our family serving your family since 1952 – now in two locations – Watford City & New Town, ND 244 N. Main Street, PO Box 550 Watford City, ND 58854 Business Tel: 701.444.2410 Fax: 701.444.2921
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Date: Fri, 8 Jan 2016 05:38:09 +0000 To: email@example.com
Love your perspective Debbie and so so glad I have lovely people like you to help Watford feel more like home!!
So, you are saying I can’t eat pancakes and be on vacation forever? You are such a buzzkill.
Right?! Well, I guess I’m referring to us general public, you have somehow managed to extend vacation life as a real life…teach us your ways!
I tried but you two ran away and made a baby.
Dang babies 😉
I bet the baby can travel. Sell your stuff and come along!
Deal! He can totally do pancakes and vacation everyday😄